How To Stay Present In The Present Moment
Ceasing the moment in my neighborhood Västra Hamnen (Western Harbor) in Malmö, Sweden.
All we have is now. This. Very. Moment. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow might never come. But the present moment is right here and right now.
This picture was taken on my way to do some food shopping at the local supermarket in my neighborhood. I stopped for a second in the middle of the street because I really liked how the stones looked against the unusually still water. Simple beauty that would be so easy to just walk by on the way to do something else. When we are under the everyday stress of ticking things off on our “To Do” list, the brain gets some kind of “tunnel vision” that eliminates our ability to see what’s beyond our task at hand.
I wanted to capture this very moment as a reminder of the importance of being able to appreciate the seemingly small things in life – even when we are in the middle of doing something else. Many small pieces of gratitude in a day eventually become a very grateful day, and, in the long run also a happy and balanced life! It’s just a matter of opening up and training your brain and soul to see them because they can be found anywhere and everywhere — where you least expect it and when you least expect it.
So how do we train the brain to see the beauty around us when we are simply too stressed to even think about stopping for a second and looking around us? It is unfortunately not just to think that when the time is right, it will happen automatically. This is something we will have to practice consciously, so much until it one day will happen unconsciously and automatically. It’s about reprogramming your brain towards actually being able to want to and have a need to be in the present moment, in the now. And for living more in the present to become a need for you, you will have to really need to feel that something you truly care about in life might improve if you do it.
This is easier said than done. Believe me, I have been living most of my life thinking about the past or being one step ahead planning for the future not even knowing that was a present moment that I was missing. I have even been in the middle of an extremely luxurious vacation when I was planning my next vacation. I have been having my dream job, but still writing an application for another job that I thought could be even better. Always one step ahead. Always in the future. Always greener grass elsewhere. And never fully enjoying the present moment.
Once I learned the techniques and realized the power of now, my whole life changed and I became more balanced and connected with my true self as a result of it. My FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) has decreased since I have realized that I can’t be everywhere simultaneously. We are only fooling ourselves by believing that we can. Our brains are not created this way, and multitasking is just doing many things very badly at the same time. Just like our bodies can’t be in Madrid and Singapore at the same time, our brains can’t be in two places/focus on two things effectively at the same time. We have to choose, we have to prioritize and we have to live a life based on our values. Nowadays, the more time I spend in the now, the longer I want to stay here. To be frank, the only time when life happens is right now.
“The only thing that is untimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking AT THIS MOMENT. That’s all there ever is.”
To be able to get to this point where you can truly experience the now, I believe it is vital to understand how it could bring value to your life. To understand what brings value to your life, you need to reconnect with your inner values. Ask yourself what you value in life? Deep inside and honestly. Is it family? Is it balance? Is it good health? Whatever the answer might be for you, I’m sure it is what drives you in life. Consciously or unconsciously. Then ask yourself how much what you value means to you and what your life would be without it?
Now visualize a dream scenario when you are truly living after your values. If you, for example, value family and relationships highly, then picture yourself in the ideal scenario where you are among friends and family and where you can truly be yourself. There is lots of laughter, trust, and good energy flowing between you. Now, think about, how sad it would be if you realized that you already have all that, but you simply are not able to fully see it, to fully experience it, to be fully present. If that is the case, it is OK. This can be changed.
It’s the same situation as when you are out walking and just stressing to get from point A to point B without realizing that you are passing by a beautiful rainbow or the most spectacular flower — beauty can be found everywhere around you, but you might not see it if you don’t have the ability to be present in the present moment. You are simply missing the beauty. In the same way, you can spend time with your family and friends (if that is something you value highly) without being fully there. You are not capable of being in the now with them. You are simply missing the beauty.
So how can we learn to be more present? There are many ways to reprogram your brain to avoid distractions (from the phone, for example) and start focusing on being present with what you value (your family for example). You can of course value being on your phone as well, but if you value relationships and family, being on the phone might distract you from being fully present and you might miss the beauty.
For me, mindfulness exercises, mindful walking and most importantly, meditation practice have helped me the most to enhance my ability to be in the present moment. Meditation simply doesn’t work if your thoughts are elsewhere – in the past or in the future. Meditation can only happen here and now. For example, if your meditation technique is Vipassana (which is what I practice) and you are scanning your body to observe sensations, then you will never be able to feel any sensations if your mind has wandered off. Mind and body need to be connected for meditation to work since sensations only happen in real-time. The more you practice meditation, the easier it will become for you to be present in your life also outside of mediation practice. Meditation is simply a tool that will help you get more of what you value in life. It will open up your eyes to see life in ways you would easily just miss, or not even know that you were missing.
If it sounds too complicated to start meditating and observing what’s happening inside you, a good first step could be conscious breathing. One technique that I personally like and do every night in bed before I fall asleep, is the “4-5-6 breathing exercise”. I inhale through my nose counting to 4. Then I keep my breath counting to 5. And, finally, I exhale through my nose counting to 6. To be able to do this, I have to only be focused on counting, and, voila! – I have spent 4+5+6 seconds in the present moment!
Another thing I have tried in order to reprogram my brain into being fully present in the present moment is to listen. To truly listen. When I speak to someone, I have started to stop myself from planning what I am going to reply, say next, or ask next, and start to truly listen to what they are saying. Since relationships are something I value highly, I want to make sure that I get the most out of them. To be fully there. It takes a lot of practice since the mind is programmed to “be prepared” for what’s coming next and to always have a solution to a potential problem. It is so easy to already in the future, almost like planning many moves ahead in a game of chess. The difficulty is to be present and it will be a trial-and-error situation for quite some time. And that’s OK. We have to start somewhere. The beauty of this “listen 100 %” technique is that at the same time as it will strengthen the relationship with the one you are listening to, it will also be a really good practice for you to be in the now. Try it yourself today! American psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg once said: “Your presence is the most precious gift you can give to another human being”. I’d dare to state, that your presence is the most precious gift you can give yourself.
